I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
4 words: hood of his car
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
