so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
