before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
false alarm, still single
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
