i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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