I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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