he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
