dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
