life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
