please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
