I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
