Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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