Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
