Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
