I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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