Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
