Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
