No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
