New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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