If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
