he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
