Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
