I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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