Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
