Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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