I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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