They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
