he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The best revenge is premature balding
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
