The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
