lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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