You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
