so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
