Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
