I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
