this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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