I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
