So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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