She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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