I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
