Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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