The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
