I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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