and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
