I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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