Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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