is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
