By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
