she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
