I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
