I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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