North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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